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I think it should be a lesson in frequency not an abolishment of letting your daughter know she’s beautiful. I have a niece and I tell her she’s beautiful or looks good, but then I also usually say for a pigs butt or something which always makes her laugh. I also ask how schools going, interests, things like that but my mother is bad about telling her how gorgeous she is and complimenting her skinnyness which makes me cringe, and I try to tell my mom that’s how eating disorders start but I guess it’s a generational thing that she isn’t getting the reasoning behind it.
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The point is about sexism. Do you talk to boys about their beauty, or do you discuss other things? Men are generally not judged on their appearance. Women always are judged on their appearance. Hopefully, your strategy for your daughters will give them more self-confidence and have less stake in their appearances, however, societal pressures will still have a great affect on how they value men and women. It is difficult to counter this.
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I agree. I remember Oprah telling the story abt a woman (teacher maybe?) who told her she was a pretty little thing and how that had such an impact on her. She was only 5 or so and had not been told that before. It gave her hope that she was worthy of love and a future… I don’t believe that looks are the only thing to praise but it isn’t the negative this article leads us to believe…
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I completely agree with Kathy – I have three daughters, and believe me, I will go to the ends of the earth to ensure they are valued for their brain, their interests and what positive contributions they can bring to the world, as I agree with the article that these are of utmost importance. However, I see nothing at all wrong with paying a compliment to my daughter when she has mastered choosing a nice outfit or brushed her hair into a nice braid (that she has been working very hard to master!). Of course we want to raise self-confident daughters who are sure of themselves inside and out, and by myself and my husband telling them we, as their parents, think they are beautiful, by no means does them a disservice. It is just another way we show them how loved, valued, and appreciated they are, both inside and out. It’s all about balance and moderation – don’t focus on ONLY the outside, or ONLY the inside. They are whole people, beautiful and intelligent, inside and out.