How public education cripples our kids, and why

thank you for your effort Ms. Liz
Anw, I mean no disrespect to you but eventhough this sample has a clear logic and good supported sentences, I Feel like this is not a band 9 essay, as there should be more complex sentences and ideas should be more fully supported. Am I wrong? Pls let me know.

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 Austen's manuscripts and letters in close-up detail. Exhibit from the Morgan Library and Museum.

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I actually only learned about ciphering books quite recently. For about 20 years I’d had essentially as an artwork a curious handwritten notebook (created in 1818, it says, by a certain George Lehman, apparently of ), with pages like this:

Austen-Leigh, Joan. 11 (1989).

All parts of your opinion must be explained in detail in the body paragraphs. you would have one body paragraph explaining why you support the use of phyiscal edu in school and then a second body paragraph about the need for a better diet. Always organise your ideas logically into paragraphs.
Liz

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Edmundson, Melissa. 23 (2002).

however, having cell phones helped people to communicate with other people faster, cheaper and more comfortable. In general, in the shop you can easy calculate you food which you bought from the shop.
To conclude, althoug, using mobile phones is not allowed in some public places but I believe that it impacted on the way people spend their time.

Ellwood, Gracia Fay. 24 (2003).

It is suggested that there should be a complete restriction on using cell phones in public places where they turn into disruptive tools. Personally, I believe that they should not be banned unless they do not cause any interruption or interference in service or equipment.

Kondelik, Marlene. 21 (2000).

Wilson, Jennifer Preston. Notes Wilson, "The experience of reading can become one of verisimilitude, a movement toward recognition of Darcy as a good man and abandonment of prejudice against him on the part of the reader that mirrors Elizabeth's own awakening. However, Austen does offer subtle signals of Darcy's development throughout her novel." 25 (2004).

Parsons, Farnell.  Justice Story, Admiral Wormeley, and Admiral Francis Austen."  23 (2002).

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Notice that the word lengths tend to be longer in French. We could investigate whether this is why documents tend to be longer in French than in English, or how this relates to quantities like entropy for text. (Of course, because this is a computational essay, the reader can rerun the computations in it themselves, say by trying Russian instead of French.)

Cummins, Nichola.   1 (1995). On the importance of candor.

Gilbert, Deirdre E. in and Beyond." 20 (1999).

Capitani, Diane. Provides economic and political details about slavery in the West Indies, as context for Sir Thomas Bertram's Antigua plantation. 23 (2002).

Dinkler, Michal Beth.   25 (2004).

Ellwood, Gracia Fay. 22 (2001).

Hi Liz….can you please rate my essay? I would appreciate greatly if you do that, so please….
some people think that the use of mobile phones should be banned in public places such as in libraries, shops and on public transport. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? write at least 250 words.